No one said it was easy. How can it be? I truly wish I could just find the words. I don't write of her often, but I think of her always.
It's hard to begin to explain the disconnect I've been feeling. The few memories I am blessed to have of her are tucked away, safely, but still hidden. I wish that I could find them again. Rediscover them. Perhaps the further I age away from them, the more faded and distant they become. That can't be. Can it? I feel like I've been robbed. It's not fair. Life isn't fair.
Death isn't, either.
I worry that I don't have a place for her anymore. I feel like I hardly know her. I feel like she is so far away. Sure, I look at her photographs often, I sleep with her teddy bear every night, and I still drive with the pendant she gave me years ago. But the door in my heart that I promised myself she would always be behind? Well, I seem to have lost the key.
I look to the sky for comfort. Maybe it's the overwhelming size, or beauty, or both. I'm not quite sure what it is, but when I look up, I certainly feel a little less astray.
It's hard to begin to explain the disconnect I've been feeling. The few memories I am blessed to have of her are tucked away, safely, but still hidden. I wish that I could find them again. Rediscover them. Perhaps the further I age away from them, the more faded and distant they become. That can't be. Can it? I feel like I've been robbed. It's not fair. Life isn't fair.
Death isn't, either.
I worry that I don't have a place for her anymore. I feel like I hardly know her. I feel like she is so far away. Sure, I look at her photographs often, I sleep with her teddy bear every night, and I still drive with the pendant she gave me years ago. But the door in my heart that I promised myself she would always be behind? Well, I seem to have lost the key.
I look to the sky for comfort. Maybe it's the overwhelming size, or beauty, or both. I'm not quite sure what it is, but when I look up, I certainly feel a little less astray.
It seems like I've lost myself in these feelings. I'm buried way deep down at the bottom of the heap.
I know that she's up there watching me. Maybe she wants to dig me out. Maybe she's wishing she could help me understand.
Or maybe she's searching for me, too.
xx
I know that she's up there watching me. Maybe she wants to dig me out. Maybe she's wishing she could help me understand.
Or maybe she's searching for me, too.
xx
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